Diary of an Addict

edacious. invincible. here. in love. depressed. laughing for no perceivable reason. dirty with what it means to be young. I claim to be nothing, but I try to be everything. I walk along the lines of sanity and insanity as if the sidewalk weren't in plain view, searching for anything that grounds me to sanity. Searching for anything that keeps me believing.

I’ve been thinking about him a lot

Everything seems to remind me of him. I miss him a lot but I’m embarrassed to tell anyone, because I don’t want to be that girl. That girl who is hung up on the boy she broke up with so many times. I know we’re not good for each other. I think he knows that now, too. But I still miss him. I still love him. Though not in the way I thought I once did. I love him in the way that I still care so fiercely about him that I never want to hurt him. But by trying to protect him, I’ve hurt him more than he deserves. Which is why I need to let go. I need to let him move on. It’s so selfish and mean to hold on like I do, but I can’t help it.

There are times when I feel like I’m drowning in the mess I’ve created of my life and he’s the only thing I know to hold onto to stay afloat. So I hold on. I know I know how to swim.

But I’m scared to let go.

  1. matchstickwindows posted this